Name.

I call you baby because I adore you.

I call you my man because you give me strength.

I call you d because I lust for you.

I call you my love because you mean that much to me.

I call you p because youre my foundation.

I call you Chad because the sound of your name makes me smile.

I call you as I see you, and I see you as my everything.

I see you as my future

I see you as the father of my children

I see you as my eternal husband

I see you as my motivator to succeed

I see you as the possessor of my fragile heart

And as i see you, I allow you to operate

with no anesthetics but the purity of our love.

I fall into a comma, with the presence of your being. 

And through your love, I am forever in a dream that I wish to never wake from.

I wrote this when I was 11 LOL. I remember I use to get so emotional over it.

It was 13 years ago when you went away

I was 2 years old and had nothing to say

You did something bad and you had to pay.

You’ve been locked up for a long time now

 I’m pretty sure you don’t even remember my smile

 And I’ve been wanting to see you for a little while.

 I just found out today that you’ve been writing me every year on Christmas and my birthday

When I found this out I was shocked

I honestly thought you just forgot about me your son and your ex-wife

 You don’t even know how much you have affected my life.

Every time your name is mentioned

My heart starts to build up with a little tension.

 I don’t understand how you could do the things that you did

Didn’t you realize what this might do to your kids?

 You left us on the street with nothing but the shoes on our feet.

You took out mom right in front of our eyes

Every time I think about it I cry because you scarred me for life

 By what you did to someone you once called your wife.

The thing that hurts the most was that I felt like you didn’t care

 About the life that could have become

 If you succeeded in taking away our mom

Thank God she made it through because I don’t know what we would do.

It’s painful for me to call you my dad

Because you’re not a part of my life and it makes me mad.

I sometimes imagine how different my life would be

 If you could only see how much you have affected me.

 But I can’t be mad at you because of the things you do

You’re still my dad and I have to let go of the pain you cause me and our family

I now know that you just didn’t see why you and mom couldn’t be.

So dad, I love you and I forgive you for what you did.

I hope you still think of me as your little kid

Even though I’m all grown up, my childhood still deserves to be made up.

 I just wanted to express how it feels

And that sometimes we just have to deal with the life we get

 And try not to do things we might regret.

 8/25/06